Debt

It's not easy to explain Chinese philosophy, but still let me anyway.

Chinese understand the concept of afterlife. People believe after they die, they don't simply disappear. Instead, their souls are taken to a place for judgement for everything that they have done in their lives. There are several outcomes for the judgement. If they do good things when they are alive, their souls are sent to heaven and enjoy eternal happiness. Otherwise they may need to start another human life. Or if they are mean, they may need to start an animal life and end up being eaten by humans. Or if they are really bad, they are sent to hell. There are 18 levels of hells, the first for the less evil and the 18th for the worst kind of people.

But my focus is just on the concept of re-starting another life after we are dead.

We also believe relationship does not come easy. Any kind of relationship. There is an old saying that all Chinese know: Do good things for 10 years, and you get to share the boat with someone to cross the river, do good things for 100 years, and you get to share the pillow with someone. Connection does not just happen. You may travel alone, and feel like talking to someone. You do and that person responds kindly. That connection seems to be coming out of nowhere. You guys just happen to be at the same place at the same time. But you may have done so many good things in your previous life, so thus deserve to have this connection.

Relationship can be bad, too. There are homicides every day, domestic violence is also not uncommon. People believe that's because something happened in their previous lives, so the relationship did not end just after they died. They must resume their relationship again. Those who owed in previous life must pay back in this life.

I still remember when I was a kid, I was so determined to do something stupid. My mom would try her very best to talk me out of it. I would not listen and get into really big trouble. She would be so upset and said something like, "I must have owed you a lot in the previous life, so I am paying back as a mother right now, raising, suffering and worry".

That's a concept that most Chinese share. We may not believe it, but have heard about it somehow at some point in our lives. I am not a superstitious person, and believe I am who I am because the way I was brought up, because what I did and what kind of person I really am, nothing to do what happened before I was born, which I had no clue about and no control over

But then I just realized I may have carried some debt as well. I'll need to do something that I know I probaby should not do but shall still do any way, with total devotion and no expectation for any return. If I really owed, I'll pay back. Let the life move on.